You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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