where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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