ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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