Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
