Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
