Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
