What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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