i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
