He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
