Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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