we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
