Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
