I think I won the penis lottery.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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