I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
