Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
