How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
