i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
