I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
