when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
