yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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