Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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