So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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