i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
