did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
