I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
