Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
