Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
