you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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