WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
