Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
