somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
