Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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