I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
