Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I need a hoe opinion
go on
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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