those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
And then my night got REAL pukey
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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