apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
