Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
