Umm I'm too high to move.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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