Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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