What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
