i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
