I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
