apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
