My brain says no but my pants say off.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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