when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
