Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
