if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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