so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
