This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
