Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
